Monday, June 3, 2013

It's me not you

Dear John,

Let me start by saying that I have always loved you.  You have been there since the beginning.  You are known as comforter and used as an reward.   Have a birthday to celebrate?  You'll be there.  Getting married?  You are one of the most important things at the wedding celebration.  Gathering with fellow Christians for a prayer session, committee meeting, retreat, seminar...heck anytime we gather as a congregation, you are there.  End of school year party for the elementary kids?   Teachers are sure to send a note home with little Tommy or Sally reminding us to bring you to school that day. We would die without you....literally we would die with out you.  But your importance for living has become an obsession and people are dying a slow death because of you.  What was meant for good, has somehow turned to bad.  And that is becoming more apparent now than ever in my life.  

Please don't cry.  It's me not you.  I took advantage of you.  I used you and abused you in my times of need.    I was too clingy.  I wanted you to be my everything.  If I was stressed out during the day, I ran to you to comfort me.  If I was celebrating any occasion, I wanted to do it with you.  I wanted you so much that I found reasons to celebrate.  I smothered you and put you on a pedestal.  It is for that reason that I have to distance myself from you.  We will still see eachother and be good friends but I can't let you consume me.  I want us to have a healthy relationship.  

I can't let you be my joy and my sorrow. I hope you understand. I will always care for you and need you but in a different way.  I hope you understand.



When I read this months challenge for the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge, my heart just sank.  I knew  I would have to have the most difficult conversation with my food.  I had to admit that my emotional attachment to food can be unhealthy.  It's not that I don't like healthy food, that's not the issue.  I love vegetables, fruits, chicken etc but I obsess over chocolate, whip cream, flour tortillas.   Remember that song from the 70's Torn Between Two Lovers?  There is a line in there, "torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool.  Loving both of you is breaking every rule"  Well that is me. I don't mind eating healthy food but I want my bad also. And it isn't a hunger thing, its a "I want ______" thing.  No amount of filling health foods is going to satisfy my desire for chocolate.

So this weekend I went to Penzeys's Spice and picked up Fox Point, an amazing blend of herbs and spices that make everything yummy.

Last night we had chicken with a baby spring salad that consisted of Baby Spring mix of lettuce, celery mandarin oranges, cranberries, strawberries, pecans and a raspberry vinaigrette. 

Next time I will probably leave out the strawberries but may put apples. For lunch, I had more chicken on organic corn tortillas, with beans and lettuce.  I really enjoyed that and can't wait to eat more of that.  

I had cherries and grapes for a snack.  They were meh.  I didn't really satisfy my desire for something sweet but they satisfied my need to chew.  I have to come up with something clean to eat that will help with my sweet tooth.  Any suggestion?

I keep telling myself it is only for 30 days but in reality, I am hoping that this 30 day challenge will give me a new perspective on food.  It's fuel...nothing more, nothing less.  I need to grasp that concept. 

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